A peculiar Event, Written for My Professor and Fellow Classmates Alike.

          People are often inquisitive when I mention my line of work, though I cannot quite place a finger on exactly why it stems such idle curiosity. Perhaps it’s the stereotypical uniforms that have managed to stay timelessly static in an ever-changing world - ties for males, scarfs that females wrap around their necks, and four symmetrical stripes all Captains wear proudly upon both their shoulders. Or perhaps it’s a combination of this distinctive uniform with the suitcases that roll alongside us as we make our way amongst the buzz of the airport and onto planes that have the potential to take us anywhere. Yes, perhaps this is the reason why people are so curious… Are these ongoing travellers provoked to look upon us with fascination and intrigue of our supposed glamorous lifestyles?  

Although I may not be able to provide a definitive answer as to the reason why people are so curious about my career, I am often able to oblige their relentless and most persistent questions. Actually, I do so willingly by providing them with the dirty and ever most interesting tales of my career. Let me indicate, Professor, fellow classmates and anyone else who may stumble upon this blog: everyday in my line of work, I encounter a peculiar event.

 Today for instance, I worked the most peculiar of flights. It all started right after take off, I was smiling at passengers as I was making my way through the cabin when all of a sudden I smelt something. Actually, to say I smelt something is somewhat of an understatement. More like out of nowhere, an extreme odor slapped my nostrils. Now in my profession, we are trained to keep a heightened sense of awareness at all times. But at this very moment, my ability to smell was one of my five senses I would have been ever so willing to eradicate.  Adjectives do not exist in the English language for me to describe to you this peculiar odor. My co-workers and I could not fathom what it was exactly, this smell we were smelling. This proves to be a troublesome thing, as how do you ever hope to detain an odor if you don’t know what one such odor may be?

As the flight flew on, the odor, at a most exponential rate became increasingly odoriferous. At this point I had to make the call. “Um….Hellooo Captain. Er, it’s your flight attendant speaking and I uh, felt it necessary to bring to your attention Captain, that there is an odor. An odor of which we cannot define nor determine the exact location of its whereabouts.” My nostrils couldn’t have been more relieved at the response I received. As fate would have it, we were already on our descent and I could prepare for arrival.

            Upon arrival as I was saying my goodbyes to passengers, all that I received in response was muffled words. Sweaters were covering their entire faces, and if they did not own a sweater, then they were much too busy plugging their noses with their hands and breathing in through their mouth to even signify a response to my goodbye. Then, as the last person hurried off the aircraft, it was found. The odor. I heard my co-workers’ screams mid cabin, I ran over to assist and that’s when I saw it. The odor. It covered the entire seat, ran up the tray table and dripped brown goop onto the carpet. I have never seen anything quite like it, in such a mass quantity. I did not know up until that very moment that one human was capable of producing so much of it, and in one sitting. And now as I sit here and write this blog, still numb from the experience, I wonder, how did this person leave the aircraft without me noticing that they were completely covered in shit?

Dear readers, I do so ever apologize for the flicker of glamour you may have once felt towards my career. I feel it necessary to end this blog by stating that in this world, no matter the choice of career: shit happens.